Everything I'm Not

How is it possible

That time is changing everything around me? I’m actually happy it’s changing. I’m trying to get over someone while I’m in the process of finding people who enjoy my company. I’m scared to let my walls down to anyone right now which is sabotaging anything going on in my life right now. I just can’t believe how so much has changed. Someone who I knew for two years and was my everything, means almost nothing to me anymore. I got replaced so quickly. Was I that unimportant to you? Whatever. This is a stupid rant.

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Emotions.

I’m trying to run away from my problems instead of trying to solve them. Possible because it’s all the hurt that I dealt with that got me to this point. I don’t know what I want anymore. I might have made the worst mistake of my life the other day and I won’t know until time passes. No one will ever get how I feel. I am in love with someone, but something is holding me back. I’m sorry I’m writing on here but I have no where else to post this. Nothing will ever be the same. Ever. I’m afraid of the future. I split between two decisions. Do I move on because I’m scared? Or do I fix things to set myself up for hurt again? I think about him every day. I cried all last night. This is one of the hardest things I had to deal with. I just wish people knew how I feel. I have the worst problem swallowing as if something is in my throat. I thought about him so much I wrote that my prayer intention was for him during my retreat today. I will always love him I just wish I could fast forward everything where we can start over then.

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